JokeJam.com
8/7/2003
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CHINESE EBONICS
Are you harboring a Fugitive? HU YU HAI DING?
Approach me KUM HIA
Stupid fellow DUM GAI
Small horse TAI NI PO NI
Prices are too high here NO BAI DAM TING
Miami vacationing agreed with you YA MAI TI TAN
I bumped into a coffee table AI BANG MAI NI
Have you considered a face lift? CHIN TU FAT
You trying to save electricity? WAI SO DIM?
Inquiry to determine if bus is due HAO LONG WEI TING?
Unauthorized execution LIN CHING
Plaything belonging to ancient emperor MING TOY
You're blowing your diet WAI YU MUN CHING?
Keep out of pond NOH WEI DING
Tow-Away zone NO PAH KING
Don't you know anything by Cole Porter? WAI YU SING DUM SONG?
You are not very bright YU SO DUM
I have a press pass AI NO PEI
I do not deserve the death penalty WAI HANG MI?
How about staying awhile? WAI GO NAO?
Our meeting was for next Thursday WAI YU KUM NAO?
You're suffering from chronic halitosis YU BAI SEN SEN NAO
They are approaching HIA DEI KUM
Remain out of sight LEI LO
Cleaning automobile WA SHING KAH
Premature infant TAI NI BEI BI
Cigarettes are hazardous to health NO TSMO KING
Did someone fertilize the field? HU FLUNG DUNG?
Your body odor is offensive SHU MAN GO
Midnight television Program LEI TSHO
Petmeds
Side effects of Viagra
If you don't swallow pills fast enough, you get a stiff neck.
Grief and Pain
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and
started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man
kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with
your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever
seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, and then replied...
"My wife's first husband."
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Sex in the Dark
"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have
sex in the dark.
Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions, during a passionate
evening, she flipped on the lamp--only to discover a cucumber in his hand.
Is THIS what you've been using on me for the past 10 years!?!"
"Honey! Let me explain!"
"Why you sneaky bastard!" She screamed.
"You impotent SOB!!"
"Speaking of sneaky!" He interrupted,
"Maybe you'd care to explain our 2 kids!!!"
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Religious Bras
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest
department store chains.
He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. "I'd like to
buy a bra for my wife"
"What type of bra?" Asked the clerk.
"Type?" Inquires the man "There is more than one type?"
"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
shape, size color and material.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types
of bras," replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what the types were.
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the
Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type
supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the
and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills
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Q. How do you tell a Mormon hillbilly from a regular hillbilly?
A. The Mormon hillbilly marries both of his sisters.
THE FIRST REALIZATIONS THAT YOU'RE
NOT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE
The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.
Failing eyesight
The mother of two teenagers said to her friend, "I'm worried about my kids'
failing eyesight."
"Oh, why is that?" Asked the friend.
"My daughter can't find anything to wear in a closet full of clothes and my
son can't find anything good to eat in a refrigerator full of food."
Quote of the Day
I just bought a cordless extension cord.
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