JokeJam.com
8/15/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our
Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and
Family
Who's Drunk?
A
fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off
his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he
falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint
bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up
his buttocks terribly.
But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later,
as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the
mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he
repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to
bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was
hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife
came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said.
"Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied, "You got plastered last
night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and
found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
Petmeds
Elephant Quickies
Q: What do elephants and Leona
Helmsley have in common?
A: Their plastic surgeon.
Q: What do you get if you cross an
elephant with William F. Buckley?
A: An elephant with a bad haircut.
Q: What do you get if you cross an
elephant with Joan Rivers?
A: Andy Rooney.
Q: What do you get if you cross an
elephant with Andy Rooney?
A: A thanks from Andy Rooney, and a pissed-off elephant.
Q: Why are all elephants gray?
A: So that an assassin will never know which is the REAL Bill Clinton.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: So they don't wobble.
Q: Why don't elephants use cellular
phones?
A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: So they won't be carded in liquor stores.
Q: Does an elephant ever forget?
A: Only if you loan him money.
Q: Why do African elephants have
bigger ears than Indian elephants?
A: Think about it.
Two Story House
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you
are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal
about a two- story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other
story is 'It's that time of the month.'"
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
Well go ahead! The light is green
A Ft Lauderdale Florida motorcycle cop was on patrol one bright sunny
December afternoon when he came upon a line of cars stopped at a light with
horns blasting.
He stopped behind the last car in line.
Then he noticed the reason for the noise.
The light directing that lane of traffic was green. He pulled out of line
and stopped alongside of the first car in line to see what the problem was.
The car was a big brown Cadillac with New York plates driven by an elderly
woman.
He motioned her to roll down her window, which she promptly did. He then
asked her why she was stopped when the light was green. She said, "Oh,
because I'm on my way to my sister's house which is that way." And she
pointed to the right.
The motorcycle cop said, "Well go ahead! The light is green."
The elderly woman responded with, "Yes I know, but the sign under the light
says 'RIGHT TURN ON RED.'
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com
10% Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free
Shipping! (Expiration TBD)
Nurse Nancy
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse
Nancy.
"She's incredibly dumb," said one doctor. "She does everything absolutely
backwards.
Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every
10 hours.
She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to
give a patient an enema every 24 hours.
She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.
"Omigod!" Said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to
prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products
Clearance Items
Q: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
A: It was two tired.
The ABSOLUTE WORST things to say to a Police Officer
That uniform makes your butt look really big.
Did you ever notice if you blow in a
dog's face he gets mad at you - but when you take him for a ride in
the car he sticks his head out the window!
Quote of the Day
I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.
JokeJam
Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You
do not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap
Drugs When You
do have a
Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is
a safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or
reply from this email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved.
Permission is granted for noncommercial distribution of
JokeJam jokes list as long as this full
copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes,
humor, and other content posted to this list, and does not claim to own any
copyright privileges to them except for those humor bits we write. We
assume them to be in the public domain.
googtoot`
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com