JokeJam.com
8/20/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and Family
A Good Excuse
A man was driving home late at night.
He was also driving above the speed limit. He noticed a police car (with its lights whirling) in his rear view mirror.
He says to himself, "I can outrun this guy." He floors it and the race is on.
The cars are racing down the highway -- 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy sighs out loud and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen, mister. I've had a really lousy day and I just want to go home.
Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"
The officer let him go.
Petmeds
SILLY STATE MOTTOS
Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It...Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like the Chemicals in Our Water
Florida: Ask Us about Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put the "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come and Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Montana: Land of the Big Sky, The Unibomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To An Attorney...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared!
Dogs have owners.
Cats have staff.
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
TEENY TINY TA-TA'S
A very flat chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the
mall in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in
lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAA-AAA-AAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so Twiggy left the store and
proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same
manner.
After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become
disgusted.
Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the sales clerk, she
unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com 10%
Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free Shipping!
(Expiration TBD)
The Whys of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
Because they are plugged into a genius
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
They don't have enough time
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
They don't stop to ask directions
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
Because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail party
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
You need a rough draft before you make a final copy
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
Don't know...... it never happened
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products Clearance Items
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."
Quickies
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Nyquil - The stuffy, sneezy, coughing, why-oh- why-is-the-room spinning medicine.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
House Call
Calling a nurse he knew after midnight, John said, "I really am sorry to call you so late at night, but I have -- well -- an erection that just won't subside and it occurred to me that you might know what to do with it."
"It's pretty late for a house call," she said, "so I suggest you take a long cold shower. If that doesn't succeed in reducing the swelling, though, use it to dial me again."
Female Only?
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
JokeJam Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You do
not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap Drugs
When You do
have a Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is a
safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or reply from this
email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JokeJam jokes list as long as
this full copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes, humor,
and other content
posted to this list, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to
them except for those humor bits we write. We assume them to be in the public
domain.
googtoot`
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com