JokeJam.com
8/27/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and Family
What was that number again?
It's 8:00 AM at a gambling casino.
Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck
at the craps table.
A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a
single roll of the dice.
The dealers agree.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless."
With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while
yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!"
She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I
WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"
Petmeds
The Hunt
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa.
He took his faithful pet dog along for company.
One day the dog starts chasing butterflies, and before long he discovers that he
is lost. So wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his
direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now." Then he noticed some bones on the
ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back
to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was
one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror
comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree,
figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from
the leopard. So off he goes.
But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that
something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal
for himself with the leopard.
The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, Monkey, hop on my
back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks,"
What am I going to do now?"
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers
pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey?
I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another
leopard, and he's still not back!!"
The Disappearing Man
A man
left work one Friday afternoon.
But instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, hunting with the
boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very
angry wife and was barraged for nearly 2 hours with a tirade about his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him "How would you like
it if you didn't see me for 2 or 3 days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went
and he didn't see her.
On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little
out of the corner of his left eye.
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
HANGING BASKETS
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through
blouse on and no bra.
Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let
your rosebuds show!" And out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there
with no top on.
The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is
just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds,
then I can display my hanging baskets."
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com 10%
Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free Shipping!
(Expiration TBD)
Tough Teacher
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the
upper part of his body.
It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found
himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as
possible and then busied himself with deskwork.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the
tie to his chest.
Needless to say, he had no more trouble with his students that term.
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products Clearance Items
Some of the extreme fundamentalist
Muslim countries are now requiring all Muslim girls over the age of 18 to shave
all their pubic hair as a sign of defiance to the West.
International news reporters are saying that the anti-Bush campaign has gone too
far.
Singles need not Apply
Jill had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.
"Pretty good I think", replied Jill, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation unless I'm married.
Her mother of course, had never heard of such a thing and asked "Is that what they told you?
"No", replied Jill, "they didn't tell me that, but on the application it said "vacation time may not be taken until you've had your 'First Anniversary'"
Hand it to her
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
Losing Track
Two Blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh,
look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf
tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by
a train.
JokeJam Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You do
not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap Drugs
When You do
have a Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is a
safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or reply from this
email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JokeJam jokes list as long as
this full copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes, humor,
and other content
posted to this list, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to
them except for those humor bits we write. We assume them to be in the public
domain.
googtoot`
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com