JokeJam.com
9/1/2003
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Doctors?
A bunch of first-year medical students were receiving their first anatomy class
with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white
sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "It is absolutely necessary to
have two important qualities as a Doctor of Medicine: the first is that you're
not disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, rolled the body over and
stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his
mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing", he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took
turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them, "The second
most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on
my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention"
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Old Meets New
At 85 years of age, Morris marries Lou Anne. A lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she
and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new,
but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed, and the
expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes; the door opens and
there is Morris, her 85 year old groom, ready for "action." They "unite as one."
All goes well; Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's
Morris. Again, he is ready for "action."
Somewhat surprised, but nonetheless willing, Lou Anne consents to more "conjugal
bliss." When the love-birds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond
goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but Morris is back again, rapping on the door,
as fresh as a 25-year old. Ready for more passion.
Once again, they enjoy one another. But as Morris prepares to leave again, his
young bride says to him: "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can
perform so well and so often.
I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You
are truly a great lover, Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean I was here
already?"
Cat Allergy
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets.
Someone asked her what the bracelet was for.
She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."
The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?"
The girl said, "I don't know..... I don't eat cats."
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Scary Ride
This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the
middle of a storm.
The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could
hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car slowly looming, ghostlike, out of the gloom. It slowly
crept toward him and stopped.
Reflexively, the guy got into the car and closed the door, then realized that
there was nobody behind the wheel.
The car slowly started moving again.
The guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve.
The guy started to pray, begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would
go off the road and he would plunge to his death, when just before the curve, a
hand appeared thru the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car
safely around the bend.
Paralyzed with terror, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached
a curve.
Finally, the guy gathered his wits and leaped from the car and ran to the
nearest town.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of
tequila, and told everybody about his horrible, supernatural experience.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was apparently sane and
not drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the same bar. One says to the
other, "Look Boudreaux, that's dat idiot that rode in our car when we was pushin
it in the rain."
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Where's the Trouble?
A telephone repair man joined the Army.
As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots
at the target, and missed the target with every shot!
His Drill Instructor tried to find out why.
"What's the matter with you?" Shouted the DI. "Why can't you hit the target?
What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a telephone repair man," replied the recruit, "and I don't know why I
can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a
third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger,
and blew the end of his finger off!
"Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving this end
here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
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Ugly Sickness!
A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so
depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and
everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can." The psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on
that couch."
6 Legged Turkey
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a
better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough
legs for everyone.
After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his
efforts to his friends at the general store get together.
"Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don’t know" said the farmer.
"I can't catch the thing!"
You know the world is going crazy
when...
The best rapper is a white guy,
The
best golfer is a black guy,
and Germany doesn't want to go to war.
Did you hear about the gal that gave up
bowling and switched to sex??
She said the balls were a heluva lot lighter and she never had to change shoes!!
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