JokeJam.com
9/9/2003
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Did You See That?
Two guys are out hunting deer.
The first guy says, "Did you see that?”
No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, the first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" The second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
Petmeds
I'll have Nun of that please
Q. What Goes Black And White, Black And
White, Black And White, Blue?
A. A Nun Falling Down the Stairs.
Q. What Is Black And White and Is
Laughing Hard?
A. The Nun Who Pushed Her.
Q. What Is Black And White and Red All
Over and Can't Get Through A Revolving Door?
A. A Nun with a Spear through Her Head!
Q. What Is Black And White and Red All
Over and Walks Around In Circles?
A. A Nun with a Spear Through Her Foot!
Q. What Is Black And White, Black And
Brown, Black And Black?
A. A Nun on a Spit!
Q. What Is Black And White, Black And
White, Black And White, Blacknwhite, Blackwhite, Blackwhite, Blackwhite?
A. A Nun Rolling Down a Hill!
Q. What Is The Definition Of Innocence?
A. A Nun Working In A Condom Factory Thinking She's Making Sleeping Bags For
Mice.
Q. What Is The Definition Of Suspicion?
A. A Nun Doing Press-Ups in a Cucumber Field.
Q. What Is The Difference Between A Nun
And A Woman Taking A Shower?
A. The Nun Has Hope In Her Soul.
Q. What Kind Of Meat Does The Pope Eat
On Fridays?
A. Nun.
Q. Why Are They Called Nuns?
A. Because When It Comes Down To Having Sex, They Don't Get Nun!
Q. Why Do Nuns Always Walk In Pairs?
A. So One Nun Can Make Sure The Other Nun Don't Get None!
Q. How Do You Describe A Nun With A
Hammer?
A. Habitual!
Q. How Do You Get A Nun Pregnant?
A. Dress Her Up As An Altar Boy!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun After A
Cannibal Barbecue?
A. A Half-Sister!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun At A Bar?
A. Unlikely!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun At A
Masquerade Ball?
A. A Blessing in Disguise!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun In A Blender?
A. Twisted Sister.
Q. What Do You Call A Nun In A Hospital?
A. The Administrator!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun In A Hydraulic
Press?
A. An Oreo!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun In A Palm
Tree?
A. A Coco-Nun!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun In Israel?
A. Wasting Her Time!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun On A Nude
Beach?
A. Someone Without Any Habits!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun On A
Stairmaster?
A. A Step-Sister!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun On Rush Street
Between 11 PM And 2 AM?
A. Mary Magdalene!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun Prison?
A. A Con-Vent!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun Sitting In A
Fruit Bowl?
A. A Ba-Nun-A!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun Who Just
Passed Her Bar Exam?
A. A Sister-In-Law!
Q. What Do You Call A Nun Who Walks In
Her Sleep?
A. A Roaming Catholic.
Q. What Do You Call A Nun With A Frock
Made Of Titanium?
A. A Hard Habit to Break!
Q. What's Black And Blue And Black And
White?
A. A Rape Victim Who Becomes A Nun
Q. What Do You Call A Nun With A Sex
Change?
A. A `Transister'
Q. What Do You Give A Nun On Valentine's
Day?
A. A Dozen Rosaries!
Q. What Does A Nun Who Smokes Have?
A. A Bad Habit!
I Got This in the War
Ralph mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is
going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.
He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds,
over and over.
This really starts to get on Ralph's nerves so he asks him, "What the heck is
wrong with you?"
The reply is, "l got this in the war." Ralph finds this pretty annoying so he
switches seats.
The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg,
causing him to kick the seat in front of him, and even kicks Ralph a few times.
So Ralph asks him, "What the heck is wrong with you?"
Again the answer is, "l got this in the war."
Ralph moves.
The next guy poor Ralph sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand.
Ralph says, "Let me guess, you got that in the war."
His reply was, "No, l got it out of my nose. I can't get it off of my hand."
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Choose Your Weapon
A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and
torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost.
While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave
him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
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Wonderful Night
On his honeymoon, a very thick redneck farmer, Billy Joe, insisted on having a
room at the luxury hotel with a balcony overlooking the sea.
On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the
bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.
"Hey Billy Joe, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to
savor for the first time" she said coyly.
"No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said.
So Daisy sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she
invited Billy Joe once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her
virginal body.
Once more he refused.
Eventually Daisy grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and
fell asleep.
In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony.
"Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making
love all night?" She asked.
"Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful
night of my whole life - and I didn't want to miss a moment of it."
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products Clearance Items
Anal Deodorant
A blonde woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom
deodorant.
The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell
bottom deodorant and never have.
The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has been
buying the stuff from here on a regular basis and would like some more.
The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don't stock,
or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the thick blonde pillock and
says, "One moment please, I will get the pharmacist."
The pharmacist looks at the blonde and says, "Can I help you miss?"
"I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the blonde.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" Said the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it
and says to her "This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the
container, "To apply, push up bottom."
Golfing Weekend
Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked him how his weekend was.
He said he played a little golf. So his co-worker asked him how well he did.
"I hit two of my best balls," he said.
"Tell me about it," said his co-worker.
"I stepped on a rake."
I mixed Viagra with some vodka.
Well ... I needed a stiff drink.
Whiskey & Pills
A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of
whiskey to improve his stamina.
A month later, when Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How
are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?"
Mrs. Stone answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about
six months ahead with the whiskey."
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