JokeJam.com
9/22/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and Family
Glow in the Dark
A mother firefly was taking
her children for a walk near dusk, and they came to dark woods.
"All right, kids," she ordered, "line up, and whatever happens, don't shine your
light. There are owls in the forest and they might fly down and eat you!"
The
small fireflies did as they were told, with the youngest firefly at the end of
the line.
As they were moving carefully along, suddenly the mother saw a light far back.
"Stop!" She whispered. "Who lit the light back there?"
"I did," admitted the youngster.
"You heard what I told you," scolded the mother. "Why did you disobey?"
"Well," said the little one, "when you gotta glow, you gotta glow."
Petmeds
Talking Chicken
A man was crossing a road one day, when a chicken called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the chicken, and put it in his pocket.
The chicken spoke up again, and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are, and how
you are my hero."
The man took the chicken out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his
pocket.
The chicken spoke up again, and said,
"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your
loving companion for an entire week."
The man took the chicken out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his
pocket.
The chicken then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you for a year, and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the man took the chicken out, smiled at it, and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the chicken asked, "What is the matter with you? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a year, and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, Chick, I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking chicken is cool."
You know you are in Florida in the summertime when....
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can make sun tea instantly.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying
on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add
butter, salt, and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying
hard-boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
Skydiving Lesson
Anni was taking her first skydiving lesson.
The instructor told her to jump out of the plane and pull her rip cord,
explaining that he himself would jump out
right behind her so that they would go down together.
Anni understood and was ready.
Just before it was time for Anni to jump out of the plane, the instructor
reminded her that he would be right behind her.
She jumped, and, after being in the air for a few seconds, pulled the rip cord.
The instructor followed her out of the plane. He pulled his rip cord but the
parachute didn't open.
As he struggled to pull the emergency rip cord, he shot downward and darted past
Anni.
Seeing this, Anni quickly undid the straps to her own parachute, and yelled
after him, "So you wanna race, huh?"
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com 10%
Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free Shipping!
(Expiration TBD)
Dear Pastor
Dear Pastor, I know God loves
everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
Dear Pastor, Please say in your
sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
Dear Pastor, My father should be
a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert Anderson, age 11
Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't
leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my
allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
Dear Pastor, My mother is very
religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.
Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
Dear Pastor, Please pray for all
the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
Laurie. Age 10, New York City
Dear Pastor, I hope to go to
heaven some day but later than sooner.
Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer
for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher.
Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
Dear Pastor, My father says I
should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have
enough rules already in my house.
Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
Dear Pastor, Who does God pray
to? Is there a God for God?
Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
Dear Pastor, Are there any devils
on earth? I think there may be one in my class.
Carla. Age 10, Salina
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon
on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph, Age 11, AkronDear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.
Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
Dear Pastor, I think a lot more
people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon
where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a
raise in my allowance.
Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
Dear Pastor, How does God know
the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in
the newspapers?
Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products Clearance Items
Wedding Registry
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry.
It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her
registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.).
The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to
make the change.
He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.
The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the
groom."
189 Pieces
A grandfather bought a
hobbyhorse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter.
The toy arrived in 189 pieces.
The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour.
It took the old man two days to assemble the toy.
Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it off to the company.
Lawyer Business
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party.
"How's business?" Asked the first.
"Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles.
When I finally caught up to it, there was already another lawyer hanging on the
bumper."
Sexual Habits
A survey on sexual habits
was being carried out by a popular newspaper and one questioner stopped an
elderly Italian gentleman in the street who was wearing a black suit and asked
him how often he had sexual intercourse.
"Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner smiled.
"I thought you Italians were supposed to be sexy!" She said.
"We are," said the gentleman.
"But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car"
JokeJam Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You do
not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap Drugs
When You do
have a Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is a
safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or reply from this
email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JokeJam jokes list as long as
this full copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes, humor,
and other content
posted to this list, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to
them except for those humor bits we write. We assume them to be in the public
domain.
googtoot`
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com