JokeJam.com
9/24/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and Family
Skin Graft
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident.
The woman's face was burned severely.
The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because
she was so skinny.
The husband then donated some of his skin...however; the only place suitable to
the doctor was from his buttocks.
The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all, this was a
very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new
beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before.
All of her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty.
She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he
did.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There
is no way I could ever repay you.
He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every time your
mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek.
Petmeds
Many Uses of Duct Tape
Hate finding your mailbox clogged with junk mail, advertising circulars and
bills? Duct tape your mailbox shut.
Plumbing problems? Sometimes it'll take a whole roll to stop a pesky leak, but
heck; it’s still cheaper than a plumber.
Use duct tape to cover rust spots on your car. Why not cover your entire car to
rustproof it? You'll never have to wax again!
Replace broken antenna with duct tape and a wire coat hanger.
Use duct tape to repair a tire. Multiple layers may be required.
With duct tape, who need luggage racks? Simply duct tape your luggage to the top
of your car.
Use duct tape to hold great grandpa upright in his chair.
Stop eyeglasses from slipping down your nose by duct taping them to your face.
Save money on haircuts: Simply press duct tape onto hair and pull very quickly.
Obliterate that blinking "12:00" on your VCR once and for all with a single
strip of duct tape.
Gals---duct tape keeps the toilet seat down
Guys---duct tape keeps the toilet seat up
Wrap sticky-side out around your hand to pick up fuzz, lint and pet hair from
clothing and furniture also picks up small pets from clothing and furniture.
Replace winter boots with socks wrapped in several layers of duct tape.
High chair falling apart after the third kid? Duct tape will make it last for
three or four more.
You may also want to duct tape your kid to the seat to avoid mid-meal slippage.
Make a fashion statement: Patch old blue jeans with duct tape.
Tired of refrigerator magnets tumbling to the floor each time you reach for a
cold drink? Duct tape will hold the kids' artwork until they graduate.
Quiet noisy kids: Make a Wacky-Roller duct tape ball to keep them busy.
If all else fails, simply tape their mouths shut.
Problems with Getting Old
Three old men were sitting around and talking.
The 80-year-old said,” The best thing that could happen to me would just to be
able to have a good pee.
I stand there for 20 minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and
over again."
The 85-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have
one good bowel movement.
I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem."
Then the 90-year-old said, "That's not my problem.
Every morning at 6 a.m. sharp, I have a good long pee.
At 6:30 a.m. sharp, I have a great bowel movement.
The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7
a.m."
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
Married to a Twin
Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls.
Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.
"OK," the judge said, "Tell the court why you want a divorce."
"Well, your honor," Dan started, "Every once in a while my sister in law would
come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking,
every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"Surely there must be some difference between the two women," the judge said.
"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honor.
That's why I want the divorce," he replied.
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com 10%
Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free Shipping!
(Expiration TBD)
Cooking Turkey
A new young bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he
yelled at me about the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed,
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and
it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,'
so I flew to Alaska."
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products Clearance Items
If I Gave You $200
Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began," and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally
and $50 to Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered.
The Perfect Man
The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man.
After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been
named....Mr. Potato Head.
He's tan. He's cute. He knows the importance of accessorizing. And if he looks
at another girl, you can rearrange his face.
I'm the Greatest Hitter in the World!
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the
backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat: "I'm the greatest
hitter in the world."
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" He yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm
the greatest hitter in the world!"
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung and missed again.
"Strike Two!" He cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.
He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said
once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.
He missed as usual. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" He exclaimed.
"I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
My Dog Herpes
A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal.
"What's your dog's name?" She asked.
"Herpes," replied the dog's owner.
"How....odd," said the woman. "Why Herpes?"
"Because he won't heel."
JokeJam Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You do
not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap Drugs
When You do
have a Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is a
safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or reply from this
email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JokeJam jokes list as long as
this full copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes, humor,
and other content
posted to this list, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to
them except for those humor bits we write. We assume them to be in the public
domain.
googtoot`
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com