JokeJam.com
9/29/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and Family
Bush Talks
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe
with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.
The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again,
"Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".
George W. asked him why he was so unfriendly and Moses replied, "The last time I
spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert.
Petmeds
Send These to Your Doctor
One plastic surgeon to another: My daughter gets her good looks from me.
Definition of conflict of interest: A get well card from your doctor.
Doctors bury their mistakes.
What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
Saturday night fever.
I'm a doctor and I haven't lost a patient yet. I know where all of them are
buried.
Old doctors never die....they just lose their patients.
Thoughts
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in
trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For
example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right
time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body
and your fat are really good friends.
Did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it
spells "THEIRS"?
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
A Lesson in Politics
A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics?
I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."
The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics
is to use an analogy.
Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be
the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working
class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us,
and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"
The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you
said."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by
his baby brother's crying.
Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall
to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his
mother wouldn't wake up.
Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the
door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid.
The son then turned and went back to bed.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I
understand politics much better now."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"
The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is
screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and
the future's full of shit."
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com 10%
Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free Shipping!
(Expiration TBD)
Silly Definitions
Liposuction
Letting the fat out of the bag.
Locate
Nickname for a short girl named Catherine.
Tangent
A man who spends a lot of time at the beach
Welfare for crocodiles
Gator-Aide
Rubberneck
What you do for your wife after she has had a stressful day
Slow Down Feathers
from the chest of a not-so-fast goose
Versatile
Poetry on the roof.
Axis
What hillbillies use to chop wood.
Maritime
June for many couples
Hunger
What the posse did to the lady rustler
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products Clearance Items
If Men Really Ruled the World
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to
her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I
love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?"
Encountering Spanish Explorers
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians
must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.
"How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked
very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you
be a bit scared?"
"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
Government Verbosity
Pythagorean Theorem: 24 words.
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
U. S. Government regulations on cabbage sales: 26,911 words.
Tired Mother
The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her
mother.
It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long.
Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not
good at all."
The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home."
JokeJam Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You do
not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap Drugs
When You do
have a Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is a
safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or reply from this
email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JokeJam jokes list as long as
this full copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes, humor,
and other content
posted to this list, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to
them except for those humor bits we write. We assume them to be in the public
domain.
googtoot`
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com