JokeJam.com
7/2/2003
This is a humor and jokes list that brings you jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes
Help us Grow our Jokes List!
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Feel Free to Forward this to your Friends and Family
The Odd Boy
Once there was a boy named Odd.
He was the butt of jokes his whole life, because of his name. Eventually he grew
up to be a very successful fisherman and owner of three fish processing plants.
When Odd was about to die, he said, "People have been teasing me my whole life
and I don't want them doing that after I'm dead, so don't put my name on my
gravestone."
After Odd died, people saw his blank tomb-stone and said . . .
"That's Odd ".
Alligator shoes
Sam and Bessie are in their 80's and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of
alligator shoes.
Seeing them on sale one day, he purchases them and comes home, asking Bessie,
"So, do you notice anything different about me?"
"What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants.
What's different?"
Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely
naked, just wearing the new shoes.
Again, "So, Bessie, do you notice anything different?"
"What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today; it was hanging down yesterday
and will be hanging down tomorrow."
Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know why it's hanging down? 'Cause it's looking at my
new shoes!!!!!"
Bessie replies, " You should have bought a hat."
Petmeds
Over 65's concession
Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six
dollars per person.
"However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price will be only five dollars."
From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really
think I'd give you that information for only a dollar?"
Q.
What's the difference between a male zipper and a female zipper?
A. When you unzip the female zipper, the brains don't all fall out!
Travelers
When Horrace Greely said, "go west young man." He had to eat his words.
Many people tried to travel to the western states by rail road.
The seats on the rail cars were very small and many of the larger people had to
stay home.
Thus the saying was born, ... "No west for the reary."
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
A SMILE
She smiled at a sorrowful stranger.
The smile seemed to make him feel better.
He remembered past kindness' of a friend
And wrote him a thank you letter.
The friend was so pleased with the thank you
That he left a large tip after lunch.
The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,
Bet the whole thing on a hunch.
The next day she picked up her winnings,
And gave part to a man on the street.
The man on the street was grateful;
For two days he'd had nothing to eat.
After he finished his dinner,
He left for his small dingy room.
He didn't know at that moment
that he might be facing his doom.
On the way he picked up a shivering puppy
And took him home to get warm.
The puppy was very grateful
To be in out of the storm.
That night the house caught on fire.
The puppy barked the alarm.
He barked till he woke the whole household
And saved everybody from harm.
One of the boys that he rescued
Grew up to be President.
All this because of a simple smile
That hadn't cost a cent.
10% Lower than Amazon.com on over 1 Million Books! Plus, Free Shipping!
Buy.com 10%
Lower Than Amazon.com On All Books - Over 1 Million Titles! Plus, Free Shipping!
(Expiration TBD)
OUIJA Board PROTECTION, And SAFETY Ritual
The following is a ritual I have found very useful in dispelling the dangers of
Ouija boards.
For this one, you will need the following:
an altar, a Plastic Jesus, a Plastic Elvis, a green candle, a concrete yard
gnome, your Blessed Bic, and a pre-consecrated waste paper basket (trash can)
Place the Ouija board on the altar and anoint with a few drops of salt water
before casting your circle. When casting your circle, use the Plastic Jesus in
the North to symbolize Air, the Concrete Yard Gnome to the East as Earth, the
Plastic Elvis in the West to symbolize Fire, and the green candle in the South
as the element of Water, recently polluted by your local High Holy Sewage
Treatment Plant.
Begin the ritual with the following chant:
Great Goddess of Common Sense, I invoke Thee in thy form of Minerva. Help me
dispel the danger of this Ouija board. Great God of Basic Intelligence, I invoke
Thee in thy form of Elvis. (This should be addressed to the West, and be
accompanied by a leer and a few ritual pelvic rotations.) Help me dispel the
danger of this Ouija board.
The rest is simple:
Use your Blessed Bic to light the green candle, then use the green candle to
ignite the Ouija board. Make sure to hold it over the trash can as it's burning,
so you won't have to vacuum the ashes out of your carpet later. When it has been
reduced to fragments and ashes, place the remains in a pre-blessed trash bag,
which should be left as an offering to the Great Spirits of the Sanitation
Department.
Clearance Items!
Viking Office Products Clearance Items
JokeJam Jokes Mailing List
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
Tell others about
JokeJam.com
Great
Credit Card Site
Order
Viagra
On Line
Cheap Drugs
When You do
not have a Prescription
Dirt Cheap Drugs
When You do
have a Prescription
If you need to contact JokeJam.com - this is a
safe link - your email address will not be posted on the internet.
Search Buy.com
UNSUBSCRIBE
JokeJam Jokes List is an automatic list -to unsubscribe - send email or reply from this
email to
mailto:JokeJam-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Be sure to use the same email address that you subscribed with
Then you will need to reply to the email yahoogroups sends you.
Copyright 2003
JokeJam.com. All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JokeJam jokes list as long as
this full copyright notice is included, including subscription information.
JokeJam is not the author of the jokes, humor,
and other content
posted to this list, and does not claim to own any copyright privileges to
them except for those humor bits we write. We assume them to be in the public
domain.
googtoot
Everything below this line is put in by Yahoo and is NOT a sponsor of
JokeJam.com