JokeJam.com

6/5/2003

This is a humor jokes list that brings you about 4 jokes daily - Generally Clean Jokes - but some might be a bit off color - no really dirty jokes.

Tell others about JokeJam.com

Rigors of blacksmithing

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After a while he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute!

Eventually, he even started putting potatoes in the sacks.
 

Grandfather Clock

Paul was planning to move into his new house, just two blocks away from his old house. So he called a moving company for an estimate.

All that Paul wanted the moving company to move was his big grandfather clock, but the moving company wanted to charge $350 for this, so Paul decided that he would move it himself...

As he was on his way, he saw a drunk coming his way and tried to avoid him, but, still, the drunk walked right into him.

Paul angrily shouted, "Hey! Watch where you are going, you drunk bum!"

The drunk replied, "You watch where YOU are going!"

Paul said, "No! You watch where YOU are going. Can't you see that I'm carrying this clock?!"

The drunk said, "Why don't you just wear a watch like everyone else?"

eharmony.com
eHarmony.com - Find yourself a Match!

My Dear Cat

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" He asked.

"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!"

"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry.

We can get a new cat tomorrow."

Oh, hee, hee!

 

Buy.com Thru 6/15

Snoring

A couple has a dog that snores.

Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the Vet to see if he can help.

The Vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

"Yeah, right!" She says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual.

The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles.

Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly.

The woman thinks that maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him, and the woman sleeps soundly.

The man wakes from a drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.

As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "I don't know where we were or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place."

 

Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week

Click to subscribe to JokeJam