JokeJam.com
6/11/2003
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Pride, ego, and opinions
Let go of pride, ego, and opinions. Admit your errors and forgive those of others. Relinquishment will lead to calm and healing in your relationships.
If that doesn't work, try small-claims court.
Petmeds
Murphy's Laws about Men:
1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
eharmony.com Find the Perfect Match!
Webster's Dictionary
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife said,”And what's that supposed to mean?"
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.
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Quickies
Q. Why do Jehovah's Witnesses dislike Halloween?
A. They hate having all those strangers ring their doorbells.
Wanted Insurance loss adjuster.
Apply to Mr. Risk
Wanted alcoholics anonymous manager.
Apply to Mustafa Beer
Wanted Curtain maker.
Contact Mrs. Sash
Wanted Rabbit hutch repairman.
Applications to Warren.
Wanted Golf course grounds man
See Mr. Green.
Pillow Talk
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
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