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7/24/2003
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English Final Examination
It was the final
examination for an introductory English course at the local university.
Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students,
having over 700 students in the class!
The examination was
two hours long, and exam booklets were provided.
The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on
his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the
exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to
have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the
student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied
the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the
professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in.
All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the
last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for
his next class.
He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not
going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked
incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of
fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I
AM?" The student asked again.
"No, and I don't
care." Replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the
student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the
middle, and walked out of the room.
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Psalm 129
A priest was driving
along and saw nun on the side of the road he stopped and offered her a lift
which she accepted.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg.
The priest looks and
nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his hand slide up her leg.
She immediately says "Father remember psalm 129."
The priest apologizes
profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on when he
changes gear and has oggled at her leg for the zillionth time he lets the hand
slide up the leg again.
The Nun once again says "Father remember psalm 129"
Once again the priest
apologizes "Sorry sister but you know the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the
convent the nun gets out and the priest goes on his way.
Once he arrives at his
church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm 129 it said: "GO FORTH AND
SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY"
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Doctor Keeps Trying
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold.
His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath.
As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and
stand in the draft.
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician. "But I can cure pneumonia."
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BEHIND THE CURTAIN
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by her very elderly aunt, entered the
doctor's office.
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"All right," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes
off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "It's my old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor, turning to the aunt. "Madam, please stick out your
tongue."
Mixed Up Kid
A nurse says to a girl
in the maternity ward, "Would you like your husband to be present at the birth?"
She says, "I'm afraid
I don't have a husband, or a boyfriend. I'm unattached...I'll be having my baby
on my own."
After the birth, the
nurse says to the girl, "You have a healthy bouncing baby, but the baby is
black."
The girl says, "I was
down on my luck, so I took a job in a porno movie where the lead man was black."
The nurse says, "The
baby also has blonde hair."
The girl says, "There
was a Swedish guy in the movie, too."
The nurse says, "The
baby also has slanted eyes."
The girl says, "There
was a Chinaman in the movie, too."
Then the nurse hands
the baby to the girl. The girl spanks it, and it cries out.
The girl says, "That's
a relief. I was afraid the little bastard was gonna bark."
If you expect your life to be perfect, then expect disappointment.
I have
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They know the penalty
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