|
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
|
|
|
Millennium Pie
(With apologies to Don McLean, American Pie)
A long, long time ago... I can still remember how Computers used to make me
smile.
And I knew if I had my chance, That I could make electrons dance, And maybe
I'd be happy for a while.
But January made me shiver, It chilled me deep down in my liver, Bad news
I'd collected... I couldn't get connected.
I can't remember back that day When I first knew the Y2K But something
touched me anyway, The day computers died.
So, Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage
was dry And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies Saying this will be
the day I retire This will be the day I retire
Can you write in C plus plus?
And do you have faith in your local bus If the driver tells you so?
Do you believe in Compaq's goals?
Can software save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to type real slow?
Well I thought that you were prepared 'Cause your memo said you weren't
impaired Your stationery's swell But you can go to hell I was a lonely
teenage UNIX hack With an incantation and a modem jack But I knew the cat
had left the sack The day computers died
I started singin'... Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi Ran my PC on some DC
but the voltage was dry And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies Saying
this will be the day I retire This will be the day I retire
Now for 10 years we've ignored the threat And we haven't solved the problem
yet But that's not how it used to be When the luddites read for the king and
queen With a light they filled with kerosene And some manuals they stole
from you and me
And while Bill Gates was looking pleased Time stole his monopolies The
courtroom was adjourned No verdict was returned While Apple tried a color
scheme The engineers returned to steam And we had purges of their dreams The
day computers died
We were singin' Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi Ran my PC on some DC but
the voltage was dry And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies Saying
this will be the day I retire This will be the day I retire
Intel inside in an iron smelter The food leftover from my fallout shelter
Twinkies old and aging fast I'd rather eat the grass Q and A tried for a
system crash With the tester on the sidelines in a cast
Now the timeshare net was running Doom While mainframes played a marching
tune We all tried to log in Oh, but we never could begin 'Cause COBOL tried
to take the field, And Holerith refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed?
The day computers died?
We started singing Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi Ran my PC on some DC but
the voltage was dry And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies Saying
this will be the day I retire This will be the day I retire
There we were all in a state A generation- really late With no time left to
start again So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick Don't let my
spreadsheet data stick 'Cause data is the devil's only friend.
As I watched him on my screen My hands and face were drenched in steam No
angel born in hell Could run that stupid shell And as the ball climbed high
into the night To call the sacrificial night I saw Dick Clark laughing with
delight The day computers died.
I met a girl with a cell phone And I asked her for a dial tone But she just
smiled and turned away I went down to the software store Where I'd seen
computers years before But the man there said the games there wouldn't play
And in the streets the children screamed The lovers cried and the poets
dreamed Their interface was spoken The Internet was broken
And the three things I connect to most The Website, LAN and the Network host
Every single one was toast The day computers died
They were singin' Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi Ran my PC on some DC but
the voltage was dry And good old' boys were sending e-mail replies Saying
this will be the day I retire This will be the day I retire
Help
(Sung to the tune of 'Help!' By The Beatles)
When I was younger and quite desperate for pay, I worked the help desk for
eight hours every day. End users called me up to tell me what was wrong, And
now I find, it fried my mind, I worked "the desk" too long.
"Help me if you can, my system's down! And a reboot didn't bring it back
'round! Should it make that awful grinding sound? Help desk pleeeeeease,
please help me!"
And now my work has changed in oh so many ways, I wrangle data; I'm an MCDBA.
But now and then the help desk sneaks into my dreams, I'm taking calls, I'm
up the walls, I wake up with a scream.
"Help me if you can my system's down! I read virus-laden e-mails by the
pound! All my data's one big steaming mound! Help desk PLEEEEASE, PLEASE
HELP ME!"
When I was younger and quite desperate for pay, I worked the help desk for
eight hours every day. But now I wish that I could travel back in time, I
wouldn't cry, if only I could leave that desk behind.
"Help me if you can my system's down! Spilled my coffee, now my hard drive's
full of grounds! Lost my pictures filled with women bound! HELP DESK
PLEEEEEEASE, PLEASE HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME! Oooooooo...."
|
|
|
Fun for Cat Owners
CatCar.com
Best Source for
Viagra
Cheap Pharmacy No
Prescription Needed
 |
|
