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Farmer's Divorce
A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting
to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you
don't understand, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or
anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A
DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with
her."
Married Priest and Nun
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After
a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go
to sleep.
There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one
bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll
sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the
nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the
blanket, and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift
off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold." He
unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the
sleeping bag once again.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold." This time, he
remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the
wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're
married."
The nun said, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled out, "Get up and get your own blanket!"
Going To a Lecture
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left
his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are
you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" Said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" The cop asked.
"My wife." Said the man.
Drink 'Till She's Cute
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a
hard days work to relax.
He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer.
The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his
shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity got
the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice
your little ritual, why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket
every time you drink your shot & beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts
lookin' good, I'm headin' home"!
Bad Tooth
A man and his wife entered the dentist's office.
"I want a tooth pulled, "the man said."We are in a big hurry, so let us not
fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff."
"You are a very brave man," remarked the dentist. "Which tooth is it?"
"Show him your bad tooth, honey," said the man to his wife.
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