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Sex Therapist
A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asked,
"What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual
intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined
them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it.
When the couple
finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the
couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then
charged them $32.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would
make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than
the lack of vigor which is to be expected in 67 year-olds, get dressed,
pay the doctor, and then leave.
Finally after almost two months of this
routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything.
She's
married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my
house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here
for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicaid.
Diagnosis
"You've got a touch of pneumonia," said the medical officer after
examining the new enlistee.
"Are you sure, sir?" queried one worried man. "I have known people in
civil life to be told they have pneumonia but then to die of something
quite different."
"You are not in civil life, Samson. You're in the Army!" thundered the
medical officer. "And if you get treated in the Army for pneumonia, you
die of pneumonia." Behaviorist Solution
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the
fear that he had monsters under his bed.
It had been years since he had
gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and
he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to
try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the
supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic,
and cheerful.
"Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "You seem to be doing much
better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured
me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one
session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
The 10 Most Important People in a Woman's Life
1. The doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"
2. The dentist because he says, "Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown"
4. The milkman because he says, "Do you want it in the front or in back?"
5. The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in,
you'll love it!"
6. The banker because he says,” If you take it out too soon, you'll lose
interest"
7. The police officer because he says, "Spread 'em"
8. The mailman because he always delivers his package.
9. The pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
10. The hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and
always eats what he shoots.
Iron Phone
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what
had had happened to her ears?
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the
phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what happened to
your other ear?"
"The son-of-a-bitch called back." |
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