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Ignorance Is No Disgrace
The little brother of an Army radar operator asked:
"Jim, tell me how does radar work?"
"The radar transmitter emits brief impulses of electromagnetic waves which
are reflected from the target and received by a special receiver. Since the
speed at which electromagnetic waves propagate is exactly known and the time
they take to travel to the target and back can be determined with a great
degree of accuracy it is possible to determine the range to the target as
well as the direction to it."
His brother pondered a moment, and then said: "As long as you don't know,
Jim, why don't you just say so?"
Overexposure
One private asked another: "How did you manage to
get arrested by MPs, Mac?"
"Well, I was out very late on a binge with a friend and he advised me to
take off my uniform and shoes when I got to the barracks, and sneak up the
stairs quietly so that if the sergeant sees me he may think I was just
visiting the head."
"So what?"
"Well, when I got upstairs I found I was on top of a bus without any clothes
on."
Murphy's Laws of Combat Operations
Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste
a bullet on you.
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when
you're not.
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
The easy way is always mined.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all
uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than
your fair share of objectives to take.
When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous
amateurs.
Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
Weather ain't neutral.
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Napalm is an area support weapon.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The one item you need is always in short supply.
Interchangeable parts aren't.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it
may concern" you've got to think about.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may
have misjudged the situation.
If two things are required to make something work, they will never be
shipped together.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and
miss.
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
You'll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use
them.
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
Well... It could be worse: It could be raining... and we could be out in it.
So he said, "Cheer up: it could be worse!" So we cheered up. And it got
worse.
The side with the simplest uniform wins...
The spare batteries for the PRC-whatever your troops have been carrying are
either nearly dead or for the wrong radio.
The ping you heard was the antenna snapping off at 6 inches above the flex
mount, while a fire mission was being called in on a battalion of hostiles
who know your position.
Why is it the CO sticks his head in your radio hooch to see if anything has
come down from DIV when you are listening to the VOA broadcasting the
baseball games?
How come you are on one frequency when everyone else is on another?
Why does your 500-watt VRC-26 (real old) not make it across 200 miles while
a ham with 50 watts on the same MARS frequency can be heard from Stateside?
Know why short RTOs have long whips on their radios? So someone can find
them when they step in deep water.
The enemy "Always" times his attack, to the second you drop your pant's in
the Latrine!!
The ammo you new "NOW"!! is on the "Next" airdrop!!
A Returned Favor from Warsaw
This has got to be the all-time classic comeback.
Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview
between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to
sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
INTERVIEWER: “So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these
young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery,
and shooting."
INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the
rifle range."
INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to
be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper
rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
INTERVIEWER: “But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not
one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended!
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