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Schneider applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.
Two hours later, Schneider came back with the entire amount.
"Amazing!" The manager said. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," Schneider replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."
My Son is More Successful than yours
These 4 gents go
out to play golf one sunny morning.
One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their
children while walking to the first tee.
"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the
home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design
and construction firm. He's so successful in fact; in the last year he was
able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a
car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful,
in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a
gift."
The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage,
and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as
a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been
discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he
replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently
discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he
does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two
cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
Watching Dumb TV
Two guys were sitting at a bar one day watching the 6:00 news.
A man was about to jump off a bridge on T.V., so one guy bet the other guy
$5 that he would jump.
The other guy said, "I don't know if he's going to jump."
Finally they made the bet.
They were glued to the T.V. watching to see whether the guy on the bridge
was going to jump or not, when all of a sudden he jumps off.
When the guy who lost gave the other guy his money, the other guy said, "No,
no you keep your money, I've already seen this on the 5:00 news."
The guy who lost says, "So did I but I never thought he would jump twice."
How to Identify Where a Driver is from
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of
traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:
Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling
cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror:
Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake,
mind on radio game: Seattle.
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both
feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's
bag out the window: Texas.
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer
cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield,
driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
Florida.
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