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Friar Joke
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back
and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business.
They ignored her too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town, to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close shop!
Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that...
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
The Nonconformist Bird
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided
not to fly south for the winter.
He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter; I'll just stay
right here on this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"
So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold; the nonconformist bird had
never felt such cold weather and was afraid that he might freeze to death.
Realizing he had made a big mistake by staying, he headed to a near by barn
for shelter. On his way to the barn it began to snow. The poor bird was
cold, tired and hungry. "Why did I stay?" he asked himself as he collapsed
on the ground.
As he lay there covered by the snow, a cow happened by. The cow, feeling the
need to relieve himself, crapped right on the bird.
At first being angry the bird said, "Who did this horrible thing to me, how
dare someone crap on me, I'll get him for this!" The crap was too heavy for
him to free himself. But, after a while the crap began to warm him and he
forgot all about his anger. In fact he was so warm that he began to sing.
A buzzard passing overheard the singing and went down to investigate. As he
cleared away the crap to his delight he found the bird. The bird was so
happy to be free from the crap that he thanked the buzzard, who then decided
to eat the little bird.
The moral of this story: Just because someone craps on you, it does not make
them your enemy, and just because someone gets you out of the crap, it does
not make them your friend.
Don't Lie to Mom
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the
meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his
roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started
to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but
I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy
ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But
the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear
Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that
you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping
in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
Lesson of the day...Don't Lie to Your Mother.
Love, Wealth, and Success
A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men
with long white beards sitting in her front yard.
She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must
be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?” they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"
The woman went out and invited the men in"
"We do not go into a House together," they replied.
"Why is that?" she asked.
One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one
of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am
Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of
us you want in your home."
The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was
overjoyed.
"How nice!!” he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him
come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"
Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She
jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love?
Our home will then be filled with love!"
"Let us heed our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife.
"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love?
Please come in and be our guest."
Love got up and started walking toward the house.
The other 2 also got up and followed him.
Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are
you coming in?"
The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the
other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He
goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and
Success!!!!!!"
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