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Great Loss
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school,
and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words
and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a
discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an
example of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing
in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a
tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great
Loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched
the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of
a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet
voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by
a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."
"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the
President.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell
wouldn't be a Great Loss..."
Things That
Make You Go Hmmmmm!!
The incidence of coincidence is so prevalent, that
it cannot be considered coincidence.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both their wives lost
their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both were shot in the head.
Both were shot in the presence of their wives. The Secretary of each
President warned them not to go to the theater and to Dallas, respectively.
Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names have 15 letters.
Booth ran from the theater and was captured in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theater.
To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trial.
Fictitious Characters
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a
generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh
hotel.
Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.
Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
Dirtiest Company
Can you imagine working for a company that has a
little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics?
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of Idiots
that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of
us in line.
Dirty Sex Pictures
A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a
real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."
The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out
his ink blots. "What is this picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states,
"That's a man and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And
what is this picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man
and a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same
question, "What is this picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and
a woman on a bed making love."
The Psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex."
"Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty
pictures!"
Saddam Hussein
BAGHDAD, IRAQ- April 23, 1997 - Saddam Hussein
today announced his pledge to fight terrorism, starting with "the fool who
crashed my 286 with junk e-mail spam". The iron fisted leader went on to
state that it took nearly five years to scavenge the countryside for stray
computer parts "just to get on the net." After months of receiving busy
signals from America Off Line, Saddam was finally able to negotiate
(handshake) with the AOL server. He then went to download his e-mail,
expecting to receive the customary AOL welcome e-mail message. But much to
his dismay he was hit hard by Sanford Wallace's spam puking Cyber-Bomber
Program.
The attack consisted of endless copies of the exact same junk e-mails such
as "Get Rich Quick", "Internet Porno Site Adverts", etc., etc... The attack
was so hard & heavy that Saddam's 120 MB hard drive simply crashed within a
matter of minutes. Saddam stated that Mr. Wallace has got himself in the
same predicament as Salman Rushdie, and will have nowhere to hide.
Reaction amongst netizens was generally positive, and in total agreement
with Saddam's decree.
Sources at the Pentagon stated that Mr. Wallace will most likely be placed
in the Wit-less Protection Program (funded by a new tax on all e-mails).
Furthermore, Pentagon Officials were so impressed with the capabilities of
the Cyber-Bomber Program, that this highly effective technology will now
become property of the Department of Defense. No further details were given
in regards to further research and development of junk e-mail spamming as a
weapon of mass irritation.
Mr. Spamford Wallace was unavailable for comment.
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