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Not His Problem

A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder.

The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."

Psychology Experiment

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

Clinic's Name

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

Bad Dreams

A distraught man goes to see a psychologist.

How may I help you?’ the doctor asks.

Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I’m lying in bed and a dozen women walking and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me.

And then what do you do? The shrink asks.

I push them away, the man says.

Then what do you want me to do? The shrink asks.

Break my arms!

Grand Delusions

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

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