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Great Loss
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school,
and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words
and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a
discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an
example of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing
in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a
tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great
Loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched
the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of
a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet
voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by
a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."
"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the
President.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell
wouldn’t be a Great Loss..."
Johnny's Morals
In a classroom of third graders, the teacher says
to the kids, "Today, class, we will be telling stories that have a moral to
them." She explained what a moral to a story was and asked for volunteers.
Little Suzie raises her hand.
Suzie: “I live on a farm and we have a chicken that laid 12 eggs, we were
excited to have 12 more chickens but only 6 of them hatched."
Teacher: "That's a good story, now what is the moral?"
Suzie: “Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched."
Teacher: "Very good Suzie, anyone else?"
Ralphie: "Yes teacher, I was carrying some eggs I bought for my mom in my
bicycle basket one day and I crashed my bike and all the eggs broke."
Teacher: "That's a nice story, what is the moral?"
Ralphie: "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
Teacher: “Very good Ralphie, anyone else?"
Little Johnny: “Yes teacher, my Aunt Karen is in the army and when she was
in the Gulf War, she parachuted down with only a gun, 20 bullets, a knife,
and a six-pack of beer. On her way down, she drank the six pack. When she
landed, she shot 20 Iraqis and killed ten of them with her knife."
Teacher: "Very interesting, Johnny, what is the moral to your story?"
Little Johnny: "Don't mess with Aunt Karen when she's drunk."
Tragedy in Texas
TRAGEDY STRIKES IN COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS
AP Newswire
Tragedy occurred today in College Station, Texas when a Cessna 152 piloted
by two Texas A&M graduate students crashed into a cemetery on their final
approach to the College Station airport. At last report over three hundred
bodies had been recovered by Texas A&M's crack search and rescue team. A
spokesperson for the rescue team indicated that recovery efforts would
continue through the night. This reporter was impressed that the two
students from the downed aircraft were aiding in recovery efforts.
The Rectum
One day Johnny walked into the classroom, and the
teacher said, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?'
He replied, 'no ma'am.'
She said, 'if you don't have it done by tomorrow then I'm going to make a
call to your parents.'
As Johnny is walking home from school he looks to his left and sees two
greyhounds racing, and one gets so far ahead of the other one that it just
stops and the other one rams its head right up its ass.
Johnny takes out a piece of paper and writes it all down, saying to himself,
'This is going to be my report.'
The next day at school the teacher says, 'Johnny, do you have your report
done?'
He says, 'sure do.' So he goes up to the front of the class and starts
telling them what he saw. 'Yesterday I was walking home from school when I
saw these two greyhounds racing, and one rammed its head right up the
other's ass.'
The teacher says, 'Johnny, we don't use the word 'ass' in the classroom,
it's rectum.'
Johnny said, 'Rectum? Hell, it damn near killed 'em.'
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