|
Get Jokes in the mail 5 days a week
Click to subscribe to JokeJam
|
|
|
Legless Frog
Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in
the sciences.
One summer day he started his own investigations.
With his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, he caught a large bull frog in a
local pond.
Sidney started his experiment with the amphibian, and told Sophie her job
was to write down the results of the experiment.
Sidney drew a line in the sand, placed the frog on the line, and prodded the
frog with a small twig from the rear and shouted, "Jump, frog!"
The frog jumped, and Sidney measured the distance. "12 feet...write that
down, Sophie," he said.
Next, he brought the frog back to the starting point and removed the frog's
right front leg. Again he prodded the frog and shouted, "Jump, frog!"
The frog jumped 10 feet, and on instruction, Sophie wrote it down.
Again the frog was brought back, the left front leg was removed, and again
"Jump, frog!" Sidney reported, "Six feet...write it down."
The next time, Sidney removed the large right back leg. "Jump, frog!" Then,
he shouted "Jump, frog!" and prodded the frog. "The frog jumped 8
inches...write it down, Sophie."
Finally, Sidney removed the frog's remaining back left leg, put it down and
prodded the frog with the twig shouting, "Jump, frog! Jump, frog! JUMP
FROG!! JUMP JUMP FROG!!!"
The frog didn't jump. Sophie looked at Sidney, and said, "So what should I
write down?"
Sidney thought a moment, and then told Sophie to write, "When you remove all
the legs from a frog, it turns deaf."
A Theory on Hell
The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry mid-term:
"Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support
your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need
to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are
entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world
today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates
as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities.
1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan
during my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep
with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
You Might Be a Physics Major
If you have no life - and you can PROVE it
mathematically.
if you enjoy pain.
if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.
if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
if you always do homework on Friday nights.
if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
if you think in "math."
if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down
its wave function.
if you have a pet named after a scientist.
if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the
if you can translate English into Binary.
if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which
says "Exit."
if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because
there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the
eventual heat-death of the universe.
if you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have
accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to
Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
if the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
if you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math
easier.
if you understood more than five of these indicators.
if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
|
|
|
Fun for Cat Owners
CatCar.com
Best Source for
Viagra
Cheap Pharmacy No
Prescription Needed
 |
|
